CHAPTER V (My Soldier) Excerpt Continued...

“Take up your cross and follow Me,” He beckoned, gazing at me through a sweaty and blood-stained face.
I hesitated. “I don’t know if I’m ready, but maybe... tomorrow. I’ve got some other things I need to do, and I’m not involved in this.”
“Today is all you have. Tomorrow is too late,” He responded.
“Why do you want me to give up my life? I don’t need to die. I know You are a great Teacher, but this isn’t my battle.”
He replied, “If any of you wants to be My follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow Me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for My sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.” (Mark 8:34-35 NLT) 
“But I don’t want to die,” I mumbled, fearfully.

    He looked at me for a long moment, His eyes reaching deep into my soul. I softened under His gaze. “It’s only when you share My suffering, that you will share My glory.”
    His words caught me off guard, and I just looked at the ground, not knowing what to think. 
“After all, I’m doing all of this for you,” He continued. “I am bearing all your sin and shame, and not only yours, but the sins of the whole world. All you have to do is die with Me.”
Then His tone softened, and He added, “And of course, I’ll be there to encourage you and comfort you. Come.” His eyes beckoned, pleading for me to follow Him.
 
    Slowly I stepped in behind His cross. I looked down and saw the trail of His blood. My skin grew clammy, but even before I could break into a cold sweat, the soldiers lifted a rough cross onto me. I collapsed instantly. The cross was so heavy… and huge. But as I looked up at Jesus, He turned to look at me with something like a smile of compassion on His face. Gritting my teeth, I struggled to my feet in determination. I decided at that moment that I was going to follow Jesus whatever the cost. Wasn’t that what I committed myself to do, when my head went under the water in baptism? Or was it?

    I could remember all the talk about God’s goodness, blessings, protection and love, but I couldn’t recall anything about having to suffer and die. I heard about confessing my sins and repenting, and believing in Jesus as the Son of God, and that He loves me, and has forgiven me. I’m saved now, and have a home in Heaven. It seemed more simple and easy in the beginning, compared to what Jesus was asking me to do now. This wasn’t simple anymore. As if reading my thoughts, Jesus said to me, “It is simple. It’s just hard.”

    So, I gathered up all the strength within me, and staggered forward. The going was slow, and I couldn’t help but notice that the distance between us was growing. My breath came in gasps, and the rough wood was rubbing my back raw. I stopped to wipe some sweat from my eyes.     Suddenly I lost my balance, and the big cross went toppling down to the ground with a mighty crash and a cloud of dust. I stumbled out of the way with a cry. Further up ahead, Jesus was down too. A rush of sympathy went over me. He had been beaten badly and had lost a lot of blood. It must’ve been much harder for Him. Then I noticed that the soldiers had ordered another man to carry Jesus’ cross. What a relief for Jesus, I thought, as I struggled to pick up my cross.
 
“Hurry up!” my soldier commanded. His hefty face was red and sweaty, partly from the sun and partly from anger. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a grimy hand, and snarled, “You are going to be crucified with Jesus!”
“Why... what have I done?” I blurted out in disbelief.
“Don’t ask questions. Get moving,” He sneered at me. “You don’t want to miss your own crucifixion.” His mocking remark was accompanied with a well-aimed blow at my back with his fist, to emphasize his point.

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