CHAPTER VII (Learning to be Held) Excerpt...

    “Jesus,” I whispered hoarsely. I felt fear creeping into my heart again.
“Yes, dear one.”   
“I don’t know how I can go on. You’re a God-man, the Son of God. I’m just a weak human.”
He smiled patiently. “I’m feeling all the pain you are. I am not free from it. I have stripped away my God-strength and become a man, a human… like you. Yes, it’s true I could use My power. I could come down from this cross, and destroy all these people with a word to My angels, but I’m not going to. Do you know why?”
I furrowed my brow, but came up blank. Jesus’ words didn’t make complete sense, but then sometimes the greatest things never do. Spiritual insights might not seem logical to the average person.

    Then as if in answer to my confusion, He seemed to say, “Last night I was in a troubled state.” He stopped. No explanation.
I asked Him out of curiosity. “What do you mean?”
“I was…” He seemed to hesitate, weighing His words. “Well, I was very burdened.” His voiced betrayed strong emotions.
I felt like I was choking or suffocating at this point, and I struggled to speak. “You… the Son of God… very burdened?” I could hardly believe my ears.
“Yes,” Jesus answered. “I was concerned that… the pain might be too intense. The humiliation... the shame... all of it... was more than my human body and mind could cope with. I didn’t want to give up, and spoil the whole plan that my Father and I have had from the beginning.”
“So, what did You do?” I asked.
“I knelt in the dark in an olive tree garden and prayed.”

    I started to wake up again. Am I dreaming? Am I at Calvary? I was having trouble staying focused, but then I saw the crosses again. I thought I could hear Jesus talking with the two men that were crucified beside Him. When He was finished speaking, I respectfully asked Him about the olive garden, and what He prayed there.

    Again He seemed to hesitate. “I prayed if it were possible, that my Father would choose another way. You know, a plan that was less… humiliating and less painful.”
For a second time I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Jesus, the Son of God... asking His Father if He could get out of the crucifixion. How could that be?
“What happened to make You go through with it?”
“Well, it’s what my Father said. He comforted Me with very... special... words.” It seemed like He was crying as He remembered how His Father comforted Him.

    Though He didn’t say, or at least I couldn’t hear what those words were, I seemed to be imagining or getting a feeling about what happened. Maybe His Father reminded Him of the conversation He had with Moses and Elijah on the mountain when they visited Him from Heaven. Maybe His Father told Him to trust Him and not be afraid. I had the feeling He might have said things like, it will be hard, but never lose sight of the goal, and all that will be accomplished. Remember all that We have been planning from before the world was created. You will have conquered sin, death and the devil. We will be able to forgive and cleanse people, and reconcile them to Us and to each other. You will be victorious. I love You. We will be together soon! 

    I didn’t know where these feelings were coming from. Were they my own thoughts and feelings, or was Jesus saying these words? Dreams can seem very real, and yet you know they are not reality.

> Click here to continue reading...